Monkeys and messed up dreams...

These are unrelated subjects. But check out Trunk Monkeys.

Alright, this blog is gettting a little boring so I think I'll do what all news programs do and I'll sensationalize it!! Woo hoo! So I thought I would tell you about my dreams because most of the time they are pretty vivid and always fucked up.

I also have these dreams where I'm dating people who are unattractive, psycho, or some combination of both. Recently, I had a dream that I was making out with Simon Cowell from American Idol. Maybe its the British accent or his excellent taste in tight black t-shirts that brought him into my dreamland. But in my dreams, it was his nipple ring that charmed me. Oh baby!

Also, within the last month, I had a dream that I was dating some old movie star but I can't remember who it was. All I remember was that he was a little chunky, had a large nose, and semi-longish dark hair. He had sort of a self-deprecating humor, and droopy eyes. Someone along the lines of Jon Lovitz, but I don't think it was him.

A few years ago, I dreamt that I was dating Ted Kisinski. In fact, the Unabomber and I were on a romantic hayride at Walt Disney World of all places. He tried to go in for a kiss; I resisted and then he got really angry. A chase ensued. I hid in the bathroom of a hotel terrified that the Unabomber was going to kill me.

So those are the only interesting dreams I can think of right now. About once a week, I have a dream where I lose my teeth. Supposedly, it means that I'm apprehensive about having children according to dreams dictonaries. Well damn right, I'm apprehensive about having children. Can you imagine something the size of melon squeezing out of your crotch?! If you're not fearful of that, then you'd be crazy!