The Jane Pauley Disaster...

I apologize for not posting in a long time but these past few weeks have been busy. I made a brief stop in NYC this past weekend and it reminded me of the trip I took to NYC last summer with Kelly. We experienced many New York type activities, but the most surreal experience was what I like to refer to as the Jane Pauley Disaster.

I am a huge fan of Conan O'Brien. Love the man and his random sense of humor and his unusually large head. So we went to NBC studios to try and score some Late Night with Conan O' Brien tickets. Unfortunately, at NBC, we were informed that Late Night wasn't filming that week and the only tickets available were for the new Jane Pauley talk show. Although I wasn't particularly excited about Jane Pauley, the tickets were free and we didn't have anything else to do, so we decided that we would go. Boy, would I regret that decision.

The next day we showed up 2.4 hours before taping to stand in line. Not surprisingly, the line was made up of mostly middle aged women, the Oprah type audience. There didn't seem to be any reason for them to force us to show up so early; the first hour we just stood in the hallway and waited for the NBC interns to take us into security. This group of about 20 old women kept griping about how they had to stand, and how the interns had no clue what they were doing.

Finally, they took us through security and then we went to stand in another line outside the studio. We stood there for about another hour. Finally, the show's staff decided to let us in on a little secret. Apparently, this wasn't the taping for the actual show. They were going to tape an impromptu comedy group for an hour and then put these segments in another show. Jane Pauley wasn't even going to be there, but the staff promised us that she would at least come out to say hi. After this announcement, several of the old women were livid and stormed out of the hallway.

Anyway, so we finally file into the studio and take our seats. The audience coordinator had promised that the comedy troupe was hilarious so Kelly and I were glad to get to see free comedy. The troupe explained that they would interview a random person and then act out parts of his life in a funny way. Normally, they would choose someone from the audience, but for this show, they choose to interview the director of the Jane Pauley show. The director was an intimidating guy, and obviously didn't want to participate at all. One would think that as the director, he would want the segments to be hilarious, but he was very uncooperative. The troupe began by asking him about his interests.
Troupe: So what do you like to do in your free time?
Director: I don't have free time, my job takes up all my spare time.
Troupe: You must have some hobbies...
Director: I don't have time for hobbies, between my kids and this job.
Troupe: Let's try this then. If you were stranded on a deserted island, what would you take with you.
Director: Nothing.
Troupe: Nothing? You wouldn't take anything with you at all?
Director: I hate clutter. I would probably throw things away before I would take anything with me.
Troupe: You don't have any interests?
Director: Umm, well I guess I like to run. So maybe I'd take some running shoes.
Troupe: Great, we'll act that out.

Then one of the guys in the troupe pretended to pack up some running shoes. This whole skit lasted about 5 minutes and it wasn't funny at all. The guy just pretended to run and then take his shoes off and put them in a box. That was all. That was basically the entire skit.

Then the troupe started to interview him again.
Troupe: So you said you have kids. How many kids do you have?
Director: I have 3 kids [goes on to tell their names and ages]
Troupe: Having your first kid must have been an interesting experience.
Director: Yeah, they dont tell you how must guck they're covered with when they're first born.
[Audience laughs]

Then the troupe does a skit where one female member acts as the director's wife holding their first born. She sits on a stool pretending to hold the baby, and a male member stands behind her with his hands on her shoulders. For the next 10 minutes, they basically kiss on the cheek and say "She's beautiful" and "I love you". No one in the audience laughs. If anything, the scene was more touching than funny. As the troupe acts out more skits, they realize that the audience is really not enjoying the show. They also keep struggling to find funny moments in the reluctant Director's life. We're all sitting there waiting for the pain to end, thinking that it can't get any worse.

Troupe: So are you religious?
Director: I guess I am a little bit.
Troupe: Let me put it this way. Do you believe in the afterlife?
Director: Yeah I think so.
Troupe: When you die, who is the first person you want to meet?
Director: Um. My grandfather.
Troupe: And why do you want to meet your grandfather?

Suddenly, the stern, serious Director starts bawling! The troupe have no idea what to do. The entire crew, who all work for this guy, just watch their boss cry. They have no idea what to do. After what seems like an incredibly long silence, one of the assistant directors motions to cut filming, and one of the cameramen gives the Director some Kleenex. Then one of the other producers comes out from the backroom and says that they still need 15 more minutes of tape. The Director takes another 5 minutes to try and regain his composure, after which more incredibly bad comedy continues.

By the end of the show, the entire audience is fuming and then we're all informed that Jane Pauley is being interviewed by People magazine and doesn't have time to say hi to us. I'm not sure if I told that story well, but at the time, it was just ridiculous. And I never even bothered to watch the Jane Pauley show to see myself on TV. So if you're ever in NYC and the only free show you can check out is the Jane Pauley show, run in the other direction as fast as you can.